Tag Archives: weight loss

Overcoming Fear & Food Addiction

Hello Everyone!!!! It’s been a hot minute since I posted.  Life-it’s crazy.

I’ve been really struggling in the last few weeks.  Things have been crazy stressful and I just want to eat everything.  Unfortunately I’ve given into that indulgence and I feel horrible about myself.  I’ve picked back up exercising in the last few weeks- not like before but it’s almost like starting over.

I was inspired to write today because I did a 5K today.  This was first attempt at a traditional 5K since my failed attempt in 2014.  It’s not uncommon for me to go out to my favorite park here in Columbia and pound out a 5K.  I know physically I can do it.  Today was a mental struggle of epic proportions.  First and foremost- The. Hills.  I almost died- literally.  I used to live in the neighborhood where the race was held and I knew the hills were crazy.  It was a fear going into this but my goodness.  Second- almost as soon as I started and throughout the race, I had the craziest internal battle with myself.

In an instant, I was back at that race in 2014 at 281 pounds- unable to even walk a mile.  I struggled.  I thought I was gonna die more than once.  My knee is still really mad at me.  Most importantly, I finished.  I wanted to quit more often than I wanted to keep going.  I “wogged” for 1 minute intervals at various times through the race.  It wasn’t my fastest time, but you know what? I overcame every mental block I had and finished.  

Now if I could apply that mental tenacity to my food addiction.  I don’t know what is wrong with me.  I know what I need to eat and what I don’t.  I feel like I can’t resist the cravings.  I have fallen back into really bad habits.  Although weight wise, I’m nowhere close to where I used to be, I’m nowhere close to where I need to be either.  The thing I don’t understand and I need to figure out is why.  I’m happy. I have stress and my life is not perfect.  However, for those who remember my life before moving and changing jobs, I’m lightyears from where I used to be.  Why can I not quit food?!?!  It’s frustrating.  It’s like a drug addict that knows they should be doing it but yet they still get high.  I’m really going to try to focus on getting back on track this week.  I need to feel good about myself again.  Right now I don’t and that is another story for another day.  

So that’s where I’m at. Y’all know I’m all about honesty in this journey.  I’m not perfect.  This journey takes me two steps forward and four steps back.  Life is tough but by golly, I’m tougher.  I hope to check back with you soon!

When all else fails…

I know I have been really slack at updating this thing.  My life has just been insane since my job change/move in January.  I was semi-settled when I joined back up with weight watchers.  I started exercising- often working out twice a day most days.  The only problem was that I felt like I was always hungry!  I tried eating healthy foods and yet the scale was not moving at all.  Infuriating!

So I went to the doctor at the beginning of July and explained my weight had not changed in several months despite my best efforts.  She said to keep going and eventually it would change.  Then she gave me the option of taking phentrimine.  It’s an appetite suppressant.  I took the written prescription and decided to do some research on it to decide if I wanted to proceed down that route.

Y’all know I’ve been a huge advocate of natural weight loss.  Exercise and good eating should do the trick right? Apparently my body is an anomaly.  I legit gained 5 lbs in a week even exercising and eating right.  FIVE POUNDS!  I decided enough is enough.  After talking to everyone and their mom that has taken this medicine at one point in time and thorough research, I decided to accept the assistance of the pill.  I started taking it a week ago Thursday and so far I’ve lost 6 pounds.  Logically, I know most of that is water weight, but my appetite is under control and my workouts have definitely benefited from the “boost” that the pill gives me.  I am only allowed to take it for three months, by law, as it is a controlled substance.  The sole purpose of my taking it is to break through the plateau.

My biggest concern is my legs.  I see all these weight loss stories where people have big legs and they lose weight and bam- they have awesome legs.  I can’t seems to beg away the fat on my legs.  I’ve done some research into why this is and everything that I have found leads me to a condition called lipedema.  This is not to be confused with lymphedema, which is similar but much different.  When I go for a follow up with the Doctor, I am going to talk to her about it.  The scary part of lipedema is that the fat is not affected by diet and exercise.  It can be controlled that way, but the only cure is liposuction and that is not in the cards for me at all.  Not a lot of doctors know a ton about lipedema because not many study particular types of fat.  It’s worth a shot to chat with my doctor about it and move on from there.

I’ve been very nervous to mention anything about taking the pills as a part of my journey.  Admitting a weakness is not the easiest thing in the world for me.  I’m looking forward to seeing if this will help.  It’s still very new and I’m very much getting used to it.  

I’ve started back to kickboxing.  I forgot how much I missed it! If you are in the Columbia Area, specifically Cayce/West Columbia, come check out TNT Martial Arts and Fitness on Knox Abbott!  The people are awesome and you will get a great workout!

I’ll try to start updating more often.  I’m very lucky to still have a great support system.  I’m glad life is finally settling to where I can get back into a routine.  

Still #sexyinprogress

Falling off the horse and getting back in the saddle

I’m in a rut.

That’s mainly why I haven’t posted on here recently.  I’ve been on a plateau for MONTHS.  I’m going through kind of a rough time in my personal life.  I’m stressed about a number of things including money. My confidence is in the toilet recently.  My life is controlling me instead of me controlling my life.

What does this have to do with my weight loss blog?  EVERYTHING!

I have turned to my old pal food for comfort in particularly dark moments.  I don’t make *as* bad choices as I have in the past but I have found myself binge eating from time to time.  Also, I have not been as motivated to work out.  I still do kickboxing but I sometimes feel like I’m just going through the motions.  I have goals and I have a crap ton of support.  I’m just trying to find that motivation.

When I first started working out, I was fueled by anger.  More specifically anger at being ghosted by my ex.  We’ve communicated and I don’t have that anger to fuel me anymore.  Instead, I feel like I’m being defeated by life and my depression has taken over.  More recently, I’ve had an upper respiratory infection that has knocked me on my ass the last few days.  The doctor put me on steroids so this would be the optimal time to pump some iron, right?!?!? (Just kidding!)

So I’m trying to get back on track.  I’m going to force myself back into the gym.  I’m gonna find my joy again.  I have to.  This blues stuff is for the birds!

Thanks for hanging with me.  Thanks for reading my poor pitiful me post.  I’m hoping for good reports to share soon.

I’m still working on my #SexyInProgress

Transformation photo: Palmetto Bowl Day 2014 vs Palmetto Bowl Day 2015

  

35 pounds down…

Yep, you read that right.  I have technically lost 35.2 pounds.  When I weighed in Tuesday morning, the scale read 244.8.  I’m 15 pounds away from 50 and half way!  Sure, I will continue to lose weight past the 100 pound mark, but 100 is the first HUGE goal to reach.

Every day I feel like there are more things that I’m noticing about myself.  My friend Angel said this weekend that she just wanted to feel my new body!  However, I’m still struggling with days where I feel like I’m not losing weight fast enough.  I still have “fat” days.  I really hate those days.

I am kickboxing 3 days a week.  That’s a lot of cardio.  With Angie and Personal Training we have been focusing on weight training.  Last week, I earned 55 activity points in WW!

My struggle right now is stress and fatigue.  I’ve never been good at dealing with stress.  Unfortunately I can’t seem to get away from it.  Also, I feel like I’m always on the move.  I don’t get home until after 7 Monday-Thursday, so it’s a struggle to “catch up” on the things that need to be done around my house.  I don’t even want to cook dinner when I get home!  I really need to become a morning work out person to give myself more time in the afternoons.  I just like my sleep so darn much!

Have you become a morning work out person?  If so, how did you do it?

I’m on the struggle bus right now with updating this blog.  I’ll get back on a schedule.  Thank you all for sticking with me.  I’m still working on my #sexyinprogress!

What week are we on again?

I know it’s weigh in time.  I should have posted this yesterday.  I am down a total of 34.4 pound to 245.6 from my starting weight of 280.  I started weight watchers a couple of weeks ago and have realized that my eating was out of control.  I’m so happy to be back in the swing of things.

My progress continues to amaze me.  I don’t know why, but it does.  I was just telling Angie last week that I’m finding myself being able to do more things now than I ever thought I could before.  For instance, the first work out with Leslie, I wasn’t able to plank for even 10 seconds.  I was able to plank for 30 seconds during PT last week.  I still can’t hold my feet 6 inches off the floor, but they are getting closer with every ab exercise that I do.

My upper body strength is slow moving, but I’m starting to see muscle definition through the fat.  You should check out my awesome triceps!

Our fighting fit class this time around is doing a lot more physical things than just hitting the bag.  Yesterday we did a tire flip relay.  Holy crap is that tire heavy.  It was so awesome.  I never thought that I would say that about any kind of exercise.

I have also made the decision to start training for the Baltimore Half Marathon.  There is a 5 hour time limit and walkers are welcome, so that makes me feel like it’s possible.  I talked to my friend Stephen and he is going to help me work on endurance breathing.  I think the one thing that I hate about running is that I feel like I can’t breath after a short period of time.  My biggest obstacle is that I’m going to have to rely on the treadmill to help me with the hills for this race.   We have one hill in Charleston and that is the Ravenel Bridge.  I’m very lucky that I have a great support system for this goal.  I’ve reached out to some friends who love running and they have given me some great tips.

Well, I think that is all for now.  Relay for Life is Friday night into Saturday morning, so I’m planning on getting lots of walking time in over the 12 hours of the event.

Until next time, friends, keep working on your #sexyinprogress

Week 26 Weigh In

Can you believe that I have been on this journey for 6 months now??? It doesn’t seem like that long!  I keep reminding myself that this is a long term project and to keep going.

I weighed in this week and I’m at 250.2 which is up 1.2 pounds.  I’m not disappointed in that though because I am retaining water. (Oh the joys of being a girl!)  Also, I was completely lazy yesterday.  I did a few trips up and down my stairs yesterday she doing laundry, but other than that I did nothing.  Well, I read, but that’s not physical activity.  My excuse is that I was completely exhausted from Saturday.

Saturday was the Insane Inflatable 5K. I am going to post about that later this week when I have the pictures from the event.  It was so much fun!  Here is a preview:

 

I’m super excited to do my second TRX class tonight with Ross.  Fighting Fitness doesn’t start again until April 27, so I am taking this class to fill in my Monday training.  

That’s all I have for now.  Thank you for sticking with me these last 6 months.  Your support means more than I can ever articulate.  Here’s to the next 6 months of working on my #SexyInProgress 

Non Weigh In Update

Hey Friends!  It’s a non weigh in week for me.  However, this doesn’t mean that it wasn’t a huge week for me.  I cleaned out my closet on Saturday.  I’m sure most of you saw the picture on Facebook, but I was super stoked to be able to get into a dress that I bought almost two years ago and never have been able to wear.  (For those of you who have not seen it, my apologies for the picture quality as I had just gotten home from the gym.)

green dress

I was also able to get rid of two trash bags of clothes that no longer fit.  WOOHOO!  Also, I’m finding myself having more “skinny days” than “fat days.”  Everyone has “fat days”- just blah days.  My skinny days are fantastic though because I feel like a million bucks and I feel like I look like a million bucks.  I wish I could give everyone “skinny days” because like endorphins, “skinny days” make people happy.

Last week, I reported that I lost 31 pounds.  When I did my first weigh in, the GM at my gym, Mike, said that when I lost 30 pounds, I could punch him.  Too bad for him, I found my love of boxing after this wager was made.  🙂  However, Mike is an awesome dude and an awesome dude stays true to his word.  So I got to punch him last week.  That was fun!

Next week will be a two post week.  A group of people from the gym including my trainer Angie, and some of our friends and family are getting together this weekend to do the Insane Inflatable 5K.  This looks to be the absolute funnest event.  I can’t wait to share all of the pictures and the fun moments that are sure to be had.  Mostly I can’t wait to share this with one of my closest friends, Alexis.

Until our next weigh in, friends, keep working on your #sexyinprogress!