Tag Archives: sexy in progress

Overcoming Fear & Food Addiction

Hello Everyone!!!! It’s been a hot minute since I posted.  Life-it’s crazy.

I’ve been really struggling in the last few weeks.  Things have been crazy stressful and I just want to eat everything.  Unfortunately I’ve given into that indulgence and I feel horrible about myself.  I’ve picked back up exercising in the last few weeks- not like before but it’s almost like starting over.

I was inspired to write today because I did a 5K today.  This was first attempt at a traditional 5K since my failed attempt in 2014.  It’s not uncommon for me to go out to my favorite park here in Columbia and pound out a 5K.  I know physically I can do it.  Today was a mental struggle of epic proportions.  First and foremost- The. Hills.  I almost died- literally.  I used to live in the neighborhood where the race was held and I knew the hills were crazy.  It was a fear going into this but my goodness.  Second- almost as soon as I started and throughout the race, I had the craziest internal battle with myself.

In an instant, I was back at that race in 2014 at 281 pounds- unable to even walk a mile.  I struggled.  I thought I was gonna die more than once.  My knee is still really mad at me.  Most importantly, I finished.  I wanted to quit more often than I wanted to keep going.  I “wogged” for 1 minute intervals at various times through the race.  It wasn’t my fastest time, but you know what? I overcame every mental block I had and finished.  

Now if I could apply that mental tenacity to my food addiction.  I don’t know what is wrong with me.  I know what I need to eat and what I don’t.  I feel like I can’t resist the cravings.  I have fallen back into really bad habits.  Although weight wise, I’m nowhere close to where I used to be, I’m nowhere close to where I need to be either.  The thing I don’t understand and I need to figure out is why.  I’m happy. I have stress and my life is not perfect.  However, for those who remember my life before moving and changing jobs, I’m lightyears from where I used to be.  Why can I not quit food?!?!  It’s frustrating.  It’s like a drug addict that knows they should be doing it but yet they still get high.  I’m really going to try to focus on getting back on track this week.  I need to feel good about myself again.  Right now I don’t and that is another story for another day.  

So that’s where I’m at. Y’all know I’m all about honesty in this journey.  I’m not perfect.  This journey takes me two steps forward and four steps back.  Life is tough but by golly, I’m tougher.  I hope to check back with you soon!

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When all else fails…

I know I have been really slack at updating this thing.  My life has just been insane since my job change/move in January.  I was semi-settled when I joined back up with weight watchers.  I started exercising- often working out twice a day most days.  The only problem was that I felt like I was always hungry!  I tried eating healthy foods and yet the scale was not moving at all.  Infuriating!

So I went to the doctor at the beginning of July and explained my weight had not changed in several months despite my best efforts.  She said to keep going and eventually it would change.  Then she gave me the option of taking phentrimine.  It’s an appetite suppressant.  I took the written prescription and decided to do some research on it to decide if I wanted to proceed down that route.

Y’all know I’ve been a huge advocate of natural weight loss.  Exercise and good eating should do the trick right? Apparently my body is an anomaly.  I legit gained 5 lbs in a week even exercising and eating right.  FIVE POUNDS!  I decided enough is enough.  After talking to everyone and their mom that has taken this medicine at one point in time and thorough research, I decided to accept the assistance of the pill.  I started taking it a week ago Thursday and so far I’ve lost 6 pounds.  Logically, I know most of that is water weight, but my appetite is under control and my workouts have definitely benefited from the “boost” that the pill gives me.  I am only allowed to take it for three months, by law, as it is a controlled substance.  The sole purpose of my taking it is to break through the plateau.

My biggest concern is my legs.  I see all these weight loss stories where people have big legs and they lose weight and bam- they have awesome legs.  I can’t seems to beg away the fat on my legs.  I’ve done some research into why this is and everything that I have found leads me to a condition called lipedema.  This is not to be confused with lymphedema, which is similar but much different.  When I go for a follow up with the Doctor, I am going to talk to her about it.  The scary part of lipedema is that the fat is not affected by diet and exercise.  It can be controlled that way, but the only cure is liposuction and that is not in the cards for me at all.  Not a lot of doctors know a ton about lipedema because not many study particular types of fat.  It’s worth a shot to chat with my doctor about it and move on from there.

I’ve been very nervous to mention anything about taking the pills as a part of my journey.  Admitting a weakness is not the easiest thing in the world for me.  I’m looking forward to seeing if this will help.  It’s still very new and I’m very much getting used to it.  

I’ve started back to kickboxing.  I forgot how much I missed it! If you are in the Columbia Area, specifically Cayce/West Columbia, come check out TNT Martial Arts and Fitness on Knox Abbott!  The people are awesome and you will get a great workout!

I’ll try to start updating more often.  I’m very lucky to still have a great support system.  I’m glad life is finally settling to where I can get back into a routine.  

Still #sexyinprogress

#WeighInWednesday

My food was legit on the struggle bus this past week.  Between being spoiled at work for Public Servant Appreciation Week, being in Charleston for Mother’s Day, and celebrating Cinco de Mayo, I was so afraid to step on the scale this morning.

Imagine my surprise when the scale showed that I lost another 2.4 lbs this week.  That means I have lost a total of 8.2 lbs in 3 weeks.  I’m starting to see changes in my body.  Others are too.  My cousin hasn’t seen me in a few weeks and last night was like “OMG!  Look at how much weight you’ve lost!”  Seeing results again has more than boosted my confidence which in turn is crossing over into other parts of my life.  

I’m back on the dating scene and having a blast.  I have always been the late bloomer- even into adulthood.  The hard part is that dating as an adult is much harder than when one is younger.  I’m hoping my dating efforts will be worth it.  Until then, I’m having so much fun.

Y’all- I know there are a million different plans out there, but I cannot tell you how much Weight Watchers has helped me to get back on track with my food and my fitness.  Since April, I have been so much more active.  This is evidenced by the increased activity via my Garmin Vivofit.  I realize this is not going to work for even on but if you are struggling with food, try Weight Watchers out.  

Until next time, friends, I’m gonna keep working on my #sexyinprogress 

Falling off the horse and getting back in the saddle

I’m in a rut.

That’s mainly why I haven’t posted on here recently.  I’ve been on a plateau for MONTHS.  I’m going through kind of a rough time in my personal life.  I’m stressed about a number of things including money. My confidence is in the toilet recently.  My life is controlling me instead of me controlling my life.

What does this have to do with my weight loss blog?  EVERYTHING!

I have turned to my old pal food for comfort in particularly dark moments.  I don’t make *as* bad choices as I have in the past but I have found myself binge eating from time to time.  Also, I have not been as motivated to work out.  I still do kickboxing but I sometimes feel like I’m just going through the motions.  I have goals and I have a crap ton of support.  I’m just trying to find that motivation.

When I first started working out, I was fueled by anger.  More specifically anger at being ghosted by my ex.  We’ve communicated and I don’t have that anger to fuel me anymore.  Instead, I feel like I’m being defeated by life and my depression has taken over.  More recently, I’ve had an upper respiratory infection that has knocked me on my ass the last few days.  The doctor put me on steroids so this would be the optimal time to pump some iron, right?!?!? (Just kidding!)

So I’m trying to get back on track.  I’m going to force myself back into the gym.  I’m gonna find my joy again.  I have to.  This blues stuff is for the birds!

Thanks for hanging with me.  Thanks for reading my poor pitiful me post.  I’m hoping for good reports to share soon.

I’m still working on my #SexyInProgress

Transformation photo: Palmetto Bowl Day 2014 vs Palmetto Bowl Day 2015

  

These Boot Are Made For Walking

Most of you reading this are aware that I’m currently on vacation in Wyoming.  When I came here last year,  shopping for boots was seriously the most horrible experience.  I ended up getting short boots that are nice enough but I wasn’t in love with them. I had to settle because I have huge legs.

When I started losing weight, I made it a goal that I wanted slimmer legs so I could get some cowboy boots… Regular mid calf cowboy boots.

I seriously stressed myself out about this.  I was almost in tears and didn’t want to go because I was afraid of the disappointment.  However, I put on my big girl panties and walked into The Wrangler Store in downtown Cheyenne.  I knew I wanted a pair of black boots.  We found some and though the first one went on without much struggle, my left foot gave me hell.  I was just a half inch from my heel going in.  Luckily the people there are really nice and they stretched them for me.  I have an incredibly high instep, so that was most of my struggle.  The end product is this….

  
I could not be prouder.  I was almost in tears at the store.  To sweeten the deal, I also bought a pair of size 18 Wrangler Aura Jeans.  Ladies- if you have not ever tried these jeans- you are missing out.  Seriously, I was super upset the day my Auras didn’t fit because they are seriously the most awesome jeans ever!

Today was a big day.  I’m gonna ride this high right into tomorrow where I will sing and dance the night away with my friends and family at the Kenny Chesney/Jason Aldean concert.  

Thank you to everyone that continues to support me in this journey.  You are all the absolute best and I don’t know that I would have made it this far without you.

Until next time, keep working on your #sexyinprogress

Weigh In Disappointment Accompanied By….

Although it’s still a loss, I’m currently at 244.0 lbs.  A total weight loss of 36 lbs but only .8 lbs since my last update.

I am really disappointed by this but I’m hoping that I can pick it back up over the next two weeks.  My issue is not exercise.  I am kickboxing 3 days a week and doing PT one day a week.  Anyone who has been to the gym with me knows that I work my butt off.  

I will say that the last two weeks have been very stressful for me.  On Wednesday, I pretty much broke down on poor Angie during PT.  The tears were coming, friends!  For those that don’t know- I’m not a huge crier, so if I’m crying it’s usually because I’ve reached my breaking point.

Alas, this week will be better.  I have a friend visiting Charleston this week and my sister and her family will be here on Wednesday.  My sister and I will actually be going to Victoria’s Secret while she is here as this is a milestone that I want to share with her.

Now for my small victory… I traveled to Columbia yesterday for a leadership training for my sorority.  We were asked to dress up and this was my outfit:

  The importance of this outfit is that those pants are two sizes smaller than where I started.  I haven’t been able to wear a size 18 since freshman year in college!  The shirt was purchased in Wyoming last year.  I haven’t been able to wear it since I bought it because it didn’t fit (based on the size on the tag it should have!).  I felt good and looked good and I can’t tell you how great that felt!

I set a short term goal to get to 50 lbs by the end of July.  I’m 14 lbs from this goal, so it’s beyond work time.

Thank you to everyone that keeps reading this and supporting me on this journey.  This is the hardest and most emotional thing I have ever done.  I know it will be worth it.  I’M worth it.

Lots of love, y’all.  Keep working on that #sexyinprogress

What week are we on again?

I know it’s weigh in time.  I should have posted this yesterday.  I am down a total of 34.4 pound to 245.6 from my starting weight of 280.  I started weight watchers a couple of weeks ago and have realized that my eating was out of control.  I’m so happy to be back in the swing of things.

My progress continues to amaze me.  I don’t know why, but it does.  I was just telling Angie last week that I’m finding myself being able to do more things now than I ever thought I could before.  For instance, the first work out with Leslie, I wasn’t able to plank for even 10 seconds.  I was able to plank for 30 seconds during PT last week.  I still can’t hold my feet 6 inches off the floor, but they are getting closer with every ab exercise that I do.

My upper body strength is slow moving, but I’m starting to see muscle definition through the fat.  You should check out my awesome triceps!

Our fighting fit class this time around is doing a lot more physical things than just hitting the bag.  Yesterday we did a tire flip relay.  Holy crap is that tire heavy.  It was so awesome.  I never thought that I would say that about any kind of exercise.

I have also made the decision to start training for the Baltimore Half Marathon.  There is a 5 hour time limit and walkers are welcome, so that makes me feel like it’s possible.  I talked to my friend Stephen and he is going to help me work on endurance breathing.  I think the one thing that I hate about running is that I feel like I can’t breath after a short period of time.  My biggest obstacle is that I’m going to have to rely on the treadmill to help me with the hills for this race.   We have one hill in Charleston and that is the Ravenel Bridge.  I’m very lucky that I have a great support system for this goal.  I’ve reached out to some friends who love running and they have given me some great tips.

Well, I think that is all for now.  Relay for Life is Friday night into Saturday morning, so I’m planning on getting lots of walking time in over the 12 hours of the event.

Until next time, friends, keep working on your #sexyinprogress