Goodbye 2015- Hello Change!

This year started off great.  Unfortunately the end of this year has not been so great.  I’ve gained back about 10 pounds in the last two months or so after being on a plateau for MONTHS.  

There is so much going on in my personal life that has taken over my entire being.  I went for my first kickboxing class in a month on Monday and I realized just how much I have been slacking off.  This makes me feel even more horrible.  My depression has been in over drive- maybe it’s the holidays.  I’m trying really hard to remember the last time I felt just truly happy with myself.  This is a huge factor in my weight loss journey.

My dear friend Judy brought me a book on meditation. I can’t wait to read it.  I’m hoping it will help me with managing stress. 

Also, I have to get control on my food.  Between stress and battling the blues, my food has been out of control.  I’ve made excuses with myself as to the justification for my bad eating habits.  That’s done.  I bought myself a new fancy planner and I am food logging everything that goes in my mouth.  In just three days I have found that I have to get better at my water intake.  I didn’t even drink half of my goal in ounces of water yesterday.  

I think my biggest shock was when I stepped on the scale this morning and it read 250.8.  Completely unacceptable.  I need to find my workout mojo again and I think this exactly the kick in the rear end I need.

So- here’s the plan of action:

  • Carb detox- cleaning out the pantry (fridge and freezer have already been cleaned out!)
  • Couch to 5K!  We are running a 5K in March and breaking the 2 hour time limit (self imposed) for the Cooper River Bridge Run in April!
  • 30 pound weight loss for 2016! (Not including the extra 10 pounds I packed back on!)
  • Manage stress- mediation, journaling- anything! I’ll try it if it helps!
  • Commit to working out at least 4 days a week and maybe even tacking on a couple of two-a-days.
  • Become a morning work out person. I feel so much better when I work out in the morning.  If only that stupid bed wasn’t so darn comfy.
  • Food log consistently!!!!
  • Drink more water!
  • This is the biggie- find my happy.  Clean out the toxins from my life (people, situations, etc) and be selfish in my happiness.

Thank you to everyone that has cheered me on.  This is a long journey.  (I mean- that’s why it’s called a journey, right?) I’m still working on my #SexyInProgress!

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Falling off the horse and getting back in the saddle

I’m in a rut.

That’s mainly why I haven’t posted on here recently.  I’ve been on a plateau for MONTHS.  I’m going through kind of a rough time in my personal life.  I’m stressed about a number of things including money. My confidence is in the toilet recently.  My life is controlling me instead of me controlling my life.

What does this have to do with my weight loss blog?  EVERYTHING!

I have turned to my old pal food for comfort in particularly dark moments.  I don’t make *as* bad choices as I have in the past but I have found myself binge eating from time to time.  Also, I have not been as motivated to work out.  I still do kickboxing but I sometimes feel like I’m just going through the motions.  I have goals and I have a crap ton of support.  I’m just trying to find that motivation.

When I first started working out, I was fueled by anger.  More specifically anger at being ghosted by my ex.  We’ve communicated and I don’t have that anger to fuel me anymore.  Instead, I feel like I’m being defeated by life and my depression has taken over.  More recently, I’ve had an upper respiratory infection that has knocked me on my ass the last few days.  The doctor put me on steroids so this would be the optimal time to pump some iron, right?!?!? (Just kidding!)

So I’m trying to get back on track.  I’m going to force myself back into the gym.  I’m gonna find my joy again.  I have to.  This blues stuff is for the birds!

Thanks for hanging with me.  Thanks for reading my poor pitiful me post.  I’m hoping for good reports to share soon.

I’m still working on my #SexyInProgress

Transformation photo: Palmetto Bowl Day 2014 vs Palmetto Bowl Day 2015

  

Happy Anniversary!

I started this journey with my first work out with a trainer a year ago this past Sunday (Hi Leslie!).  I started this blog a year ago on Friday.  I know I haven’t posted in a while.  I haven’t felt very inspired.  The truth is, I’m in a rut.  I’ve been in a rut for months- weight loss wise and emotionally.  I have turned to old habits (food).  I’ve been fighting a severe “depression”… long story short, I’ve been in a funk.

I’m on the other side of it- so I’m getting back in the saddle.  I’m really concentrating on my food and exercise.  I’ve not come this far to go back now.  I have been on this plateau for months.  It’s time to break it.  So I’m back in the gym even when I don’t want to be.  I’m going to get back to super healthy cooking and eating.  I’m also back in the dating scene! 🙂  Since the weather is getting better (i.e. cooler)- I’m really going to concentrate on getting outside.  I’m going to start my couch to 5K program.  I will run a 5K.  I have a long ways to go, but I have to be thankful for the progress that I have made in a year.

Let’s have a year in review:

  • I’ve shopped at Victoria’s Secret for the first time in my life
  • I bought mid-calf cowboy boots
  • I bought zip up booties- and was able to zip them!
  • I’ve shopped at The Gap
  • I bought jeans from Old Navy
  • I have worn a size Large shirt (down from a XXL)
  • I wore a pair of size 16 jeans (just last Friday night- down from a size 22)
  • I’ve “shared” clothes with friends and family
  • I’ve pushed myself to the limits and found more inner strength than I ever knew I had.

My journey is nowhere near over.  I’m a work in progress.  I have bad days.  I felt a little skinny today, so that was a plus.  I want to try on tall boots, but I’m still really afraid to do that.  My calves, though down about 5 inches, are still large and in charge.  I’m still not dealing well with disappointment.

So I’ll leave you now with a pic that several of you saw last week for #TransformationTuesday:

transformation

I couldn’t end this post without a few shout outs:

To my Family and Friends:  Without your love and support, I would never have gotten here.  I would not have been able to continue this journey.  Throughout the last year, I have learned just exactly how incredibly blessed and loved I am.  I am blessed to call you all mine.

To the Chucktown Fitness crew with special shout outs to CJ, Angie, Stephen, and Ross: Thank you for holding my hand.  Thank you for teaching me.  Thank you for pushing me and making me believe in my strength.  I wouldn’t trade any of you for anything in the world.  I wouldn’t have gotten hear without you.  You’ve each enhanced my life (and continue to do so) in more ways than “Thank You” could ever express.

Watch out y’all.  I’ve got new focus and I’m ready to go!  #SexyInProgress is still a work in progress.  Watch out world when I get there!

These Boot Are Made For Walking

Most of you reading this are aware that I’m currently on vacation in Wyoming.  When I came here last year,  shopping for boots was seriously the most horrible experience.  I ended up getting short boots that are nice enough but I wasn’t in love with them. I had to settle because I have huge legs.

When I started losing weight, I made it a goal that I wanted slimmer legs so I could get some cowboy boots… Regular mid calf cowboy boots.

I seriously stressed myself out about this.  I was almost in tears and didn’t want to go because I was afraid of the disappointment.  However, I put on my big girl panties and walked into The Wrangler Store in downtown Cheyenne.  I knew I wanted a pair of black boots.  We found some and though the first one went on without much struggle, my left foot gave me hell.  I was just a half inch from my heel going in.  Luckily the people there are really nice and they stretched them for me.  I have an incredibly high instep, so that was most of my struggle.  The end product is this….

  
I could not be prouder.  I was almost in tears at the store.  To sweeten the deal, I also bought a pair of size 18 Wrangler Aura Jeans.  Ladies- if you have not ever tried these jeans- you are missing out.  Seriously, I was super upset the day my Auras didn’t fit because they are seriously the most awesome jeans ever!

Today was a big day.  I’m gonna ride this high right into tomorrow where I will sing and dance the night away with my friends and family at the Kenny Chesney/Jason Aldean concert.  

Thank you to everyone that continues to support me in this journey.  You are all the absolute best and I don’t know that I would have made it this far without you.

Until next time, keep working on your #sexyinprogress

Riding the High…

I’m not afraid to say I have been terrified of going shopping.  Anyone who knows me probably thinks I’m lying.  I love shopping- but shopping for new clothes?  Terrifying.  I’ve been very lucky to have awesome friends and family that have passed a ton of clothes my way.  I’m terrified of thinking I’m down a size and actually not being there yet.  I didn’t want the disappointment.  Of course-what size you are really depends on where you are shopping.  For all the dudes reading this- Vanity Sizing is real and it’s horrible!  

So when I started this journey back in October, I was an “upper” size 22.  My 22’s were starting to fit a little tight and I was staring down a size 24.  My T-shirt size was an XXL.  

That being said, I have been sitting on a gift card to Old Navy from Christmas. I decided to stop into Old Navy tonight trying to kill time before meeting my parents for supper.  For giggles, I grabbed a pair of size 20 jeans- just to see if they fit.  Imagine my surprise when they were too big!!!!! Of course I’m shopping by myself so I have to get dressed and go get the size 18.  I’m almost freaked out in the middle of the dressing room!!!! 

Here is the picture to prove it!!!

  
So I’m riding this huge wave of happiness.  I just almost broke down when on the phone with my sister.

This, my people, is #sexyinprogress

What Does The Scale Say?

WARNING: Debbie Downer Walking……

Imagine this:  You do a really good job at work.  Maybe complete a really big project or solve a complex problem for a customer.  At the very least, you would expect you boss or client to say “Hey Thanks!  You did a great job!  Good work!”

The same generally applies work weight loss and general fitness.  Only your boss and client is yourself.  As I was watching “Extreme Weight Loss” last night, the lady that was losing the weight had done a great job, but she struggled in the 3rd phase of her goal.  When she met up with Chris and Heidi for her weigh in, she said something that completely resonated with me:

“When you’ve earned something- When you’ve worked so hard and you know that you’ve earned it, but it does show on the scale, it makes you feel defeated.”

As soon as I heard those words, I was like “Holy Crap, Lady, get out of my head!”  I try not to let that get me down because I know I’ve made positive changes.  I know that I’m continuing to be amazing and work hard.  However, I just can’t get past the fact that the scale is not moving!  Everyone has told me not to pay attention to the scale.  The problem is that I need it.  I want to see something tangible.  I know I’m losing inches and its frustrating to think that I’m losing, but it’s not reflecting on the freaking scale.

Some have said I’ve hit a plateau.  I say that may be possible, but hitting a plateau at 240 pounds is not my idea of a success.  That just tells me that my body loves my fat.  I have been sick this week, so I have missed three days of workouts.  Even as I sit here typing this, I feel like the pounds are just finding a nice comfy place on my body and are settling in.

I’m struggling with self esteem issues.  I know that we are our own worst critics.  I know that I’m working toward something bigger.  I just can’t help but feel disappointed that I don’t have more to show for the work that I’m putting in.  I just want to scream!  I eat pretty well.  I’m not going to say very well, but I eat completely differently than I did before I started this journey.  I’m a work in progress and I have an addiction to food.  When I get stressed out or sad, my first instinct is still to turn to food.  I don’t… but that thought is always there.

Stress is a huge problem for me.  I can’t go into details but I’m like at my breaking point with the stress pretty much every day.  I’m not really good at dealing with it. I very much internalize my feelings and I know that is part of my problem.  (It’s also why I love kickboxing so much!)

I always say this, but I have the absolute best support system.  My family and my framily (my friends that became family) are seriously amazing.  I don’t know what I ever did to become surrounded by so many wonderful people.  Every one of you reading this inspire me.  I’m just having a little bit of a struggle right now.  I’ll get over it.  Thanks for listening to my online whining.  I have to believe that there are some positive things coming my way soon!  Hopefully I’ll get better at updating this.

Before I say my farewell for now, I have a little PSA.  I love how many of my friends that have been successful with various “healthy” businesses.  While I appreciate you all reaching out to me to offer your goods and services, I’m really trying to do this weight loss thing without any “products.”  I promise that if I need one of your items, I will reach out to you directly.  Thank you for thinking of me.

So until next time, friends, keep working on your #sexyinprogress

Weigh In Disappointment Accompanied By….

Although it’s still a loss, I’m currently at 244.0 lbs.  A total weight loss of 36 lbs but only .8 lbs since my last update.

I am really disappointed by this but I’m hoping that I can pick it back up over the next two weeks.  My issue is not exercise.  I am kickboxing 3 days a week and doing PT one day a week.  Anyone who has been to the gym with me knows that I work my butt off.  

I will say that the last two weeks have been very stressful for me.  On Wednesday, I pretty much broke down on poor Angie during PT.  The tears were coming, friends!  For those that don’t know- I’m not a huge crier, so if I’m crying it’s usually because I’ve reached my breaking point.

Alas, this week will be better.  I have a friend visiting Charleston this week and my sister and her family will be here on Wednesday.  My sister and I will actually be going to Victoria’s Secret while she is here as this is a milestone that I want to share with her.

Now for my small victory… I traveled to Columbia yesterday for a leadership training for my sorority.  We were asked to dress up and this was my outfit:

  The importance of this outfit is that those pants are two sizes smaller than where I started.  I haven’t been able to wear a size 18 since freshman year in college!  The shirt was purchased in Wyoming last year.  I haven’t been able to wear it since I bought it because it didn’t fit (based on the size on the tag it should have!).  I felt good and looked good and I can’t tell you how great that felt!

I set a short term goal to get to 50 lbs by the end of July.  I’m 14 lbs from this goal, so it’s beyond work time.

Thank you to everyone that keeps reading this and supporting me on this journey.  This is the hardest and most emotional thing I have ever done.  I know it will be worth it.  I’M worth it.

Lots of love, y’all.  Keep working on that #sexyinprogress