Monthly Archives: July 2015

Riding the High…

I’m not afraid to say I have been terrified of going shopping.  Anyone who knows me probably thinks I’m lying.  I love shopping- but shopping for new clothes?  Terrifying.  I’ve been very lucky to have awesome friends and family that have passed a ton of clothes my way.  I’m terrified of thinking I’m down a size and actually not being there yet.  I didn’t want the disappointment.  Of course-what size you are really depends on where you are shopping.  For all the dudes reading this- Vanity Sizing is real and it’s horrible!  

So when I started this journey back in October, I was an “upper” size 22.  My 22’s were starting to fit a little tight and I was staring down a size 24.  My T-shirt size was an XXL.  

That being said, I have been sitting on a gift card to Old Navy from Christmas. I decided to stop into Old Navy tonight trying to kill time before meeting my parents for supper.  For giggles, I grabbed a pair of size 20 jeans- just to see if they fit.  Imagine my surprise when they were too big!!!!! Of course I’m shopping by myself so I have to get dressed and go get the size 18.  I’m almost freaked out in the middle of the dressing room!!!! 

Here is the picture to prove it!!!

  
So I’m riding this huge wave of happiness.  I just almost broke down when on the phone with my sister.

This, my people, is #sexyinprogress

What Does The Scale Say?

WARNING: Debbie Downer Walking……

Imagine this:  You do a really good job at work.  Maybe complete a really big project or solve a complex problem for a customer.  At the very least, you would expect you boss or client to say “Hey Thanks!  You did a great job!  Good work!”

The same generally applies work weight loss and general fitness.  Only your boss and client is yourself.  As I was watching “Extreme Weight Loss” last night, the lady that was losing the weight had done a great job, but she struggled in the 3rd phase of her goal.  When she met up with Chris and Heidi for her weigh in, she said something that completely resonated with me:

“When you’ve earned something- When you’ve worked so hard and you know that you’ve earned it, but it does show on the scale, it makes you feel defeated.”

As soon as I heard those words, I was like “Holy Crap, Lady, get out of my head!”  I try not to let that get me down because I know I’ve made positive changes.  I know that I’m continuing to be amazing and work hard.  However, I just can’t get past the fact that the scale is not moving!  Everyone has told me not to pay attention to the scale.  The problem is that I need it.  I want to see something tangible.  I know I’m losing inches and its frustrating to think that I’m losing, but it’s not reflecting on the freaking scale.

Some have said I’ve hit a plateau.  I say that may be possible, but hitting a plateau at 240 pounds is not my idea of a success.  That just tells me that my body loves my fat.  I have been sick this week, so I have missed three days of workouts.  Even as I sit here typing this, I feel like the pounds are just finding a nice comfy place on my body and are settling in.

I’m struggling with self esteem issues.  I know that we are our own worst critics.  I know that I’m working toward something bigger.  I just can’t help but feel disappointed that I don’t have more to show for the work that I’m putting in.  I just want to scream!  I eat pretty well.  I’m not going to say very well, but I eat completely differently than I did before I started this journey.  I’m a work in progress and I have an addiction to food.  When I get stressed out or sad, my first instinct is still to turn to food.  I don’t… but that thought is always there.

Stress is a huge problem for me.  I can’t go into details but I’m like at my breaking point with the stress pretty much every day.  I’m not really good at dealing with it. I very much internalize my feelings and I know that is part of my problem.  (It’s also why I love kickboxing so much!)

I always say this, but I have the absolute best support system.  My family and my framily (my friends that became family) are seriously amazing.  I don’t know what I ever did to become surrounded by so many wonderful people.  Every one of you reading this inspire me.  I’m just having a little bit of a struggle right now.  I’ll get over it.  Thanks for listening to my online whining.  I have to believe that there are some positive things coming my way soon!  Hopefully I’ll get better at updating this.

Before I say my farewell for now, I have a little PSA.  I love how many of my friends that have been successful with various “healthy” businesses.  While I appreciate you all reaching out to me to offer your goods and services, I’m really trying to do this weight loss thing without any “products.”  I promise that if I need one of your items, I will reach out to you directly.  Thank you for thinking of me.

So until next time, friends, keep working on your #sexyinprogress